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When I started hairdressing in 1982, I couldn't have imagined where the next 40 years would take me. I've worked in hair, makeup, fashion and personal styling. I've owned my own salon, worked with brides, styled fashion and editorial shoots, and spent more than a decade as Head Stylist for a fashion company.

But when I think about everything those years have taught me, I don't think first about hairstyles or clothes. I think about the women. I've spent thousands of hours talking to women while they've been sitting in front of a mirror, getting ready for a wedding, trying on clothes or wondering whether something really suits them, and if there's one thing I've learnt, it's that style is rarely just about fashion. It's usually about life.

Our bodies change, and that's not a styling failure

I've watched women become frustrated with themselves because clothes that used to work suddenly don't. Perhaps their shape has changed after having children. Perhaps menopause has changed where they carry weight. Maybe their hair has gone grey, their skin has changed, or they simply don't feel comfortable in the silhouettes they wore ten years ago. The temptation is often to blame your body, but I've learnt to look at it differently.

If a particular shape no longer works for you, we find another one. If the colours you've always worn aren't doing you any favours anymore, we look at different colours. If high heels have stopped being enjoyable, we find shoes you actually want to walk in. Style is allowed to change because you are allowed to change.

Expensive doesn't automatically mean flattering

I've styled enough clothes over the years to know that the price on the label tells me very little about whether something will look good on the person wearing it. I've seen inexpensive pieces look wonderful because the colour, proportion and fit were right, and I've also seen very expensive pieces do absolutely nothing for someone. A designer label can't compensate for the wrong fit.

That's why I would much rather see someone buy one piece that works beautifully with her colouring, body shape and existing wardrobe than five expensive pieces she doesn't know how to wear. The best clothes aren't necessarily the most expensive ones. They're the ones you keep reaching for because they feel right every time you put them on.

We are often much kinder to other women than we are to ourselves

This is perhaps one of the biggest things I've noticed. A woman will look at her friend and see beautiful hair, lovely eyes, a great smile or fabulous legs, then look at herself and immediately find the part she wants to hide. Her stomach, her arms, her hips, her wrinkles.

Over the years I've heard so many versions of “I can't wear that because…”. Sometimes there is a practical styling consideration behind it, and of course we can work with that, but sometimes the rule has been sitting there for years without ever being questioned.

Style should help you appreciate what is already there. I don't want to dress you to hide as much of yourself as possible. I want to understand what makes you feel comfortable, what you love about yourself and what helps you walk out the door feeling good. There's a very big difference.

The right colour can do more than you think

After working across hair, makeup and clothing, I've seen how powerful colour can be. Sometimes changing the colour closest to someone's face makes a bigger difference than changing the entire outfit. Skin looks brighter, eyes become more noticeable and hair colour suddenly makes sense. Quite often, the woman I'm working with notices it herself before I need to say anything.

That's why I don't see colour analysis as a trend or a set of seasonal rules. It's practical information you can use for years. It can guide clothing, accessories, makeup and even conversations about hair colour. Most importantly, it can remove a lot of guesswork and make shopping far less overwhelming.

Confidence doesn't come from following every fashion rule

Fashion has given women plenty of rules over the years. What to wear at a certain age. What not to wear if you're a particular shape. Which hemline is “appropriate”. Which trends you're supposedly too old for.

After 40 years, I'm much more interested in the woman than the rule. There are certainly styling principles that can help us create proportion, balance and harmony, but they should be tools rather than restrictions. If you love something and feel wonderful wearing it, that matters.

I would never want someone to walk away from a styling session feeling as though I've given her a new set of things she isn't allowed to do. The aim is the opposite. I want you to understand yourself well enough that choosing becomes easier, and to feel confident making those choices for yourself.

Sometimes we keep dressing for a woman we used to be

This is something I've come to understand more and more. We carry an image of ourselves in our heads, and sometimes that image hasn't caught up with our lives.

You might still be shopping for the corporate wardrobe you needed ten years ago. Perhaps you're holding onto the style you had before children, menopause, retirement or a major change in your life. Maybe you've spent so many years putting everyone else first that you're not actually sure what you like anymore. That can make shopping surprisingly difficult.

Where do you start when the person you're shopping for has changed? You start by getting to know her again. What does your life actually look like now? What do you enjoy wearing? Where are you going? What makes you comfortable? Which colours bring you to life? Which shapes work with your body rather than asking your body to work with them?

Those questions are far more useful to me than asking what someone your age is “supposed” to wear.

And perhaps the biggest thing I've learnt is to listen

After all these years, this is still where I begin. Before colour palettes, body shapes, clothes, hair or makeup, I listen. Because when a woman tells me she wants to feel more stylish, there is often something else underneath that. She may be starting a new chapter, preparing for an important event, adjusting to changes in her body or simply realising that she hasn't thought about herself for a very long time. Sometimes she can't quite explain what's wrong. She just knows that the woman she sees in the mirror doesn't quite match the woman she feels like inside.

I understand that much better now than I did when I started my career in 1982. And perhaps that's what more than 40 years of working with women has really taught me: good styling isn't about turning someone into somebody else. It's about listening carefully enough to help her recognise herself again.